I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
COCAINE IS GR8
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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