So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have fence marks all over my body
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
