Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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