blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
