a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
