You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
