I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
