somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
