For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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