I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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