Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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