6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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