i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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