i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
