Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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