I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
