This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think my fart just growled at me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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