We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
