tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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