I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
