i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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