well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
