His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I FOUND THE LEGS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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