We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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