And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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