dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
