Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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