Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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