Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
its liver damage thursday
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
