i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
