If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My vagina is officially offended.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
