at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My bed smells like the plague
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
