I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize