My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
