Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
