she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
