No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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