I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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