They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
