Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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