please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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