I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
