I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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