dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
