i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
