Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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