Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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