# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
