She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
