Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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