I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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