Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
