If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
