Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
