Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
