I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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