its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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