Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
