It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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