btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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