I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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