there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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