The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
