med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
