I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
