Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
