i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there's paper in my vomit.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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