My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
