i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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