she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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