You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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