I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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