Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
