Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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