Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
