This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
