I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
