things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
