He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
