That's intense
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We left an ass print on the piano.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
