If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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