Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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